My Past❤My Present❤My Future❤

Monday, November 23
3:57 AM

Haven't slept for two days. Probably won't sleep for today either (its 4.04 )He turned off his handphone. Till he replies me, I won't rest at all.
I am sorry. I really am. Its all my fault. You are not to blame. You are never to be blamed. And I am sorry I hung up. I just....I just couldn't take it anymore. My heart ached too much when I saw you in this state. Never wanted things to turn out this way. I wanted to hang up many times, but I just couldn't seem to. I didn't bear to do it. But it hurt so much in the end, I couldn't take it. I hope you forgive me. I am so sorry. So sorry. So sorry. So sorry. So sorry. Shouldn't have told you. You must be in great pain right now. All because of me. Maybe, just maybe, you deserved way better than this. Way better. I am not worth to be with. Worthless.

Saturday, November 21
8:49 PM

I knew it! I knew it! Shes making that transition again just because that tomorrow's my birthday( and also my dad's, yah, we have the same birthday ) and that my dad is coming back tomorrow. So, now, shes being "nice" to me, trying to find me new clothes tomorrow-.- I can't stand her anymore-.- But I won't fall 4 her trap so easily de. And I am still NOT gonna celebrate my birthday tomorrow. So "dear" family, you don' t have to put up with me and you can just literally ignore me tomorrow. I won't mind^^ Cause I want it that way.

8:41 PM

Tomorrow is going to be hetic, unpredictable, chaotic, unimaginable, and there will be lots of drama. Better prepare myself.

Stop plugging out the internet when I am using it can? Its very irritating. And you are getting on my nerves!

Friday, November 13
8:40 PM

Hehe...Got my 1st birthday present today! So happy!^^ Its so sweet of him^^

He must have takened hours and hours to do this present for me. Thanks Darling!^^ Really, really loved it alot^^ It made me so high today^^ Can see that I am full of smiles^^

Biology O level SPA was great. Hoped that I scored full marks for it. Almost made a few careless mistakes though=p But don't know why, I managed to see it when I thought of this present. Haha, it really made my day^^ Finished the whole experiment in only 30 minutes! The present must have a mystical force working on me^^.

After SPA ended and we were released, Annabelle, Boon Kee and I went to the library at Compass Point. We slacked at the cafe there, Boon Kee and I did our homework while Annabelle read her storybook^^ Later, we saw Kah Yoke, Ivy, Corine, Bellna, Hao Yang, Kai Yuan and Shi Jie. Corine later joined us by doing her homework. After a while, Hao Yang came and borrowed my notebook to copy down the holida homework, Shi Jie and Kai Yuan joined us also. So we were in a big group doing homework at the cafe. Then Annabelle counldn't take it, cause all of us was doing our homeork. Haha, all my fault=p Say want to do my homework then everybody followed me=p We stayed there till 12.30 like that then walked to school later on. Kah Yoke,Li Min, Ivy and Bellina joined us. Everybody thought that we were going to gang fight or something, walk in such a big group.Lol.

Took bus to Body World at Science Center. The journey was damn long, it took about 20 minutes plus to get us there. Reached there le, saw a very big T-REX! It can move somemore! Everyone was so fascinated with it. Went in, a guy gave us a brief lecture or talk about the expedition before letting us off. Lol, once we go in, everybody was so "fascinated" about the private parts that were still intact to the body. Cause those "figures" there, were all real muscle and flesh and everything. Means that, those "figures" were once humans. They go through a process to preserve it, and the process took about 1 year plus and the huge giraffe took about 5 years plus! Anyway, it was very interesting, being able to see so many real live organs. After seeing all these, it made me realised how fascinated I was to the human body, and that I would want to become a doctor/surgeon even more. You can say that I was inspired by this expedition. After I came out along with Li Min, Kah Yoke, Ivy, Pei Yu,and Corine. They were abit hungry, so we went to this food stall near the expedition. Pei Yu and Corine shared a plate of spaghetti for $4.40, I vy bought nasi lemak for $1.80 and Kah Yoke bought bean curd for $2.00+ I didn;t buy anything cause I think that it was too expensive and the food, isn't really "appealling". After eating, we explored the rest of the Science Centre. Had so much fun^^. In the end, when we realised that we have passed the time ( we were suppose to meet back at the T-Rex outside the Science Center at 4.30 p.m. ), we tried to dashed our way out, but apparently, we were lost inside. So we ran around searching the way out. But in the end we made it out. Haha^^ We board the bus and most people including me slept throughout the whole journey back to school, guess that everyone was tired after a long "adventure" at the Science Center^^

Going to fetch my dad later on from the airport. But he is going to stay forone day in Singapore before going overseas again. Sian...he is only coming back on the morning of our birthday. Hmmm....oh well...overall, I had a great day^^ So fun and interesting!

Wednesday, November 11
2:57 PM

Haix....really hated the way I acted and behaved today. I am so upset with myself. At the same time, I was also dissapointed with myself. Why do I keep pushing away those people who was concerned about me? Those who cared and worried about me? Was it because, I was never really cared for in the past? Then, I wasn't use to people caring for me? Whatever reason it is, I still shouldn't have behaved the way I did today. I was being inappreciative for the people around me who loved me. Really didn't like it when I see people being dragged down with me because of me. I never wanted to Lian Lei anyone. But Kah Yoke told me something today, "You where got lian lei us? Is we want to care for you okay. Cause we are worried for you, and you are my friend. Even if you lian lei le us, its our choice or our own free will, so you can't blame us for being worried about you". Yes...Kah Yoke, I remembered each and every word you said, cause you made me realised that there were so many people who are concerned about me and who really wanted to help me, but I just..I just ignored it...why? Why is that so? How come I could never give back to those people who gave so much to me? Instead, I treated them badly, scold them off, ignore them, hurt them. But then I knew deep in my heart that what I did would hurt them, and yet, I still continue to do it...Why? I don't get myself. I really don't. I just wanted to say sorry to all those people who I have offended in the past couple of years. I was senseless and clueless. So I didn't meant what I said, neither did I want to do what I did. I was just lost. Confused. Fustrated. And out of anger said or did something that I shouldn't have. So, I am truly very sorry. If there was anything I did in the past that upset you and there is a way that I can redeem myself, then please do approach me. I guess, I wasn't thinking then. I can be so careless, so reckless, so insensitive to other people's emotions that when I hurt someone, I didn't even know it. There are just too many problems with me, and I don't know how to solve them. I would really like to get rid of those problem with me so that just for once, I can live normally. To be able to be like all other teenagers. When you are suppose to have fun, you have fun. When you are suppose to study, you study real hard, then party the next day when exams are over. To go out with my friends as much as possible, to just have fun, as if there isn't tomorrow. To explore this world with my own time. To see the many great things that is happening. To be part of those people who I have been admiring all this while. So when will I get my chance? My opportunity? My turn? People use to say that I was lucky, but to me, they are the lucky ones. Don't ever think that I am always so cheery and happy and have a fancy life, cause the truth is, I don't. Like what some said some people live double lives while others don't and I happen to be one of those people who does. What I have been through for these 14 years, can never be imagined by anybody. Those little different "stories" I shared with some of my closest peeps are only a small portion to the big picture behind it. So, NO, my life isn't fanciful, it isn't fantastic, it isn't wonderful, it isn't amazing. And trust me, you DON'T WANT to be me just because of what I have. How about the things that I don't have that you have plenty of? Ever think of that? So the thing I learned today, was to treasure those around you who has always been there, just that you are too stupid to realise it (and yes, I am admitting that I am stupid) and also, to appreciate the things you already have. Don't come crying when you lose them. Cause its not worth it when I have already told you so.

Gonna try to please her. See what happens. I am planning to do every single thing she wants me do to and more. So lets just see if I was really the problem, or was it that she was really eyeing on me. If I did everything perfectly, just the way she wanted it to be, then there should be no reason why she would still reprimand me for nothing right?Unless of course, she really hated me to her gut and just wanted to see me suffer terribly. Currently, shes not at home, so I am going to do ALL of my god damn homework ( estimated 40+ tasks/exercises to do, due to the workloads of E.Maths and A.Maths teacher just gave to us today which is already around 23 tasks ). Hope I can finish by next week, so that I can start my revision as well as study ahead for Sec 4 so that I can prepare myself for the hectic year to come. Not gonna let her win so easily. Since she thinks that I am a gonner and theres absolutely no hope for me in my studies, I am going to show her my capabilities; that I am more than just the looks. Looks like I have to bid goodbye to my laziness and my beloved Television if I want to make this work. I must have faith in myself. I must have confidence in myself. And most importantly, I must believe in myself that I can do it^^.I will update later if I get the chance to.